Monday, September 26, 2005

The Loneliness Beast

Does anyone else out there think loneliness is the true bane of human existence? I guess that's putting it a tad melodramatically, but it is how I really feel. Loneliness is the thing I hate the most. I'm not talking about being alone, because while that can bring on loneliness, you certainly don't have to be alone to feel horribly lonely. I'm an only child and I remember feeling terribly lonely as a kid. I had loving parents and I had friends and cousins, but somehow I was still lonely a good part of the time. I'm not sure why that is, but I haven't changed much I guess, because I still battle the loneliness beast.

Over the last six months I've been dealing with a major amount of grief, (for my Mom and my Aunt) and I discovered something I didn't know, grief in a lot of ways is a disguised form of loneliness. At least for me it has been. You can be surrounded by people who love you, and want to help you and yet, your all alone in your pain and longing. No one can touch that pain. No one can heal it, no matter what they say or do. Some of my cousins ( my Aunts children) are going through exactly the same thing I am, and we try to be there for each other, but even when we're together each of us is still alone in our own personal agony. This is how it feels to me anyway. This post doesn't really have any great, profound point, it's simply what's on my mind tonight. I apologize that it's rather depressing, but sometimes it's nice to be able to express how I'm feeling. I'm not looking for sympathy, so please don't feel the need to comment unless you truly want to express your thoughts.


Anonymous JadedsAngel said...

I like your insight on loneliness. I never quite felt the same way as you though. Sometimes I like being lonely, not that it makes me happy, but it makes me depressed actually. I know that might sound weird... "You like being depressed?". It's not quite that though. I think that when I'm depressed I tend to think a lot more. And I like being in that philosophical state where there is no one around to disturb my thoughts.
Here is a quote of mine that I think you might like: "Depression is a true friend... it's always there when no one else wants to be".

9/27/2005 2:37 AM  
Blogger Leo said...

Thanks for the comment and the quote. I'd never thought of it that way, interesting perspective.

9/27/2005 4:03 AM  

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